Kiedy byłem w podstawówce zdarzało mi się tłumaczyć ze swoich słabych wyników słowami „dostałem 3 bo było trudne, Tomek dostał 2 więc i tak nie jest źle„. Mój Papa jednak zawsze miał na to taką samą odpowiedź „nigdy nie porównuj się do gorszych, do niczego tak nie dojdziesz„… i niestety, nie upiekło mi się z tą wymówką choć powtarzałem ją sukcesywnie naiwnie myśląc, że to coś da…
Nie dało, bo i jak. Patrzenie na kogoś innego w celu usprawiedliwiania samego siebie z czegokolwiek mija się z celem. Na logikę więc odpowiedź rodzica wydaje się sensowna. Znajdź sobie przykład i staraj się równać do niego. Ma to sens, prawda? W teorii ma. W teorii. Tyle, że z „nigdy nie porównuj się do gorszych” ja sobie zrobiłem, „patrz na lepszych i bądź jak oni”. Dosłownie.
Dosyć szybko nauczyłem się, że każdy na kim chciałem się wzorować czy za kim chciałbym być podobny (przypominam, czasy podstawówki, dość we wczesnym wieku miałem takie rozkminy ale o powodach tego pewnie przy innym daleeeko w przyszłości tekście) miał coś, co nie do końca mi pasowało albo co nie do końca byłoby dla mnie naturalne.. a przecież, nie chcemy całe życie udawać kogoś innego.
Zacząłem więcej rozpatrywać samego siebie pod różnymi kontekstami. Porównywałem się w wielu kwestiach do innych ludzi i próbowałem zrozumieć, czemu ja tak a oni inaczej. Czemu oni inaczej a ja tak. Czemu. Po co. Dlaczego. NIE które lepsze, tylko czemu tak i tak. Ocenianie zachowań ludzkich mijało mi się z celem. Zakładałem, że ciężko kogoś oceniać mając tylko „to co widać” tudzież „to co inni mówią” jako podstawę a niestety duża część społeczeństwa na tym opiera swoje oceny.. czego byłem ofiarą i skąd między innymi takie przemyślenia. No ale wwróćmy do meritum (wybacz, będę takie wstawki dorzucał bo temat ten mnie naprawdę rusza). Ustaliłem więc, że skupiam się na powodach, podstawach i rozumieniu zachowań innych ludzi. Tego czym się kierują i dlaczego akurat tym. I tak się zagnieżdżałem i co odkrywałem coś nowego do doszukiwałem się kolejnego powodu.
Nie odkryłem sensu istnienia świata. Ale takie ciągłe „ok, ale czemu?” rzucane do każdego swojego wniosku sprawiło, że dość mocno nabudowałem swoją odporność na to co innych potrafi dziś zdemotywować, zdołować, obrazić czy zaboleć
Założyłem sobie kilka teorii jako „fakty” w kwestii rozumienia ludzi i kieruję się nimi do dzisiaj. Jednym ulubionym takim faktem, który mogę Wam zdradzić a który zasadniczo sprawia, że świat jest dla mnie piękny jest uznanie, że ludzie są z założenia dobrzy. Po prostu. Jeśli ktoś coś robi nie tak, najwidoczniej nie wie, jak postępować lepiej, a na to z mojej perspektywy miało wpływ tyle czynników, że skazywanie go na tabliczkę „zły człowiek” jest mało sprawiedliwe. Ale to taka ciekawostka (uprzedzałem, że będą dygresje).
Drugim dość ważnym faktem jest to, że każdy człowiek to zupełnie inna historia. Każdy przychodzi na świat w mniej więcej ten sam sposób (nie wnikam :P) ale to co się dzieje z nim dalej i to co go kształtuje jest już tak różne, że jakiekolwiek generalizowania i porównania zaczęły tracić dla mnie sens.
Rok zdaje się 2002, złamałem nogę. 2003 mniej więcej zaczynałem już znów funkcjonować. Zaczynałem chodzić, biegać bez użycia kul i ogólnie moje możliwości ruchowe były w normie. Pociągnąłem temat dalej. Uznałem, że skoro odzyskałem możliwość ruszania się, to trzeba ją wykorzystać. Nie można zmarnować drugiej szansy. Doszedłem do pewnego etapu, potrafiłem robić salto czy tam salta. Robiłem szpagat, z wysiłkiem, ale robiłem. Robiłem różne siłowe rzeczy, mogłem napierać pompki setkami a wejścia siłowe to była pestka. Wrzucałem z tego wszystkiego filmy pokazujące jak do tego dochodziłem i zawierałem w nich swoją radość z tego osiągnięcia.
Dla wielu ludzi jednak to było śmieszne łamane przez żałosne. Jak można zaśmiecać internet kolejnym filmem na którym nie ma śruby żadnej, ani nic co w danym okresie było „trendy” i co każdy akrobata na youtube wywijał po 2 mieisącach nauki. Ludzie pytali „kiedy będzie coś nowego” a ja cieszyłem się tymi elementami, do których doszedłem i męczyło mnie ich brak zrozumienia dla takiego stanu rzeczy. Tyle, że nie rozumieli, bo nie chcieli. Łatwiej ocenić.. no właśnie, względem siebie.
I tu dochodzimy do tego o czym chciałem dziś pisać. Zawody nie są dla mnie, bo nie robię tego co robię, dla bycia lepszym od kogoś innego. Zawody, nie są dla mnie, bo nie chcę zabierać sobie frajdy z każdego, nawet słabego wyniku. Każde wyjście z domu i ruszenie się z kanapy to dla mnie zwycięstwo z tym, co sprowadziło mnie na ziemię. Każdy medal otrzymany za udział w imprezie biegowej (dla tych co nie wiedzą, jeśli biegniecie w jakimś oficjalnym biegu to na mecie obojętnie od wyniku czeka na Was brązowy medal, jako symbol Waszego zwycięstwa którym jest sam czynny udział w ważnym wydarzeniu) jest dla mnie złotem bo wiem, ze na niego zasłużyłem i naprawde nic więcej mi nie trzeba.
Nie chcę się porównywać z innymi bo uważam to za bezcelowe dla swojego życia. Znam siebie, wiem do czego jestem zdolny i ile mnie kosztuje każde małe osiągnięcie. Chcę być najlepszym, najlepszym sobą. Nie potrzebuję sprawdzać kto zrobi więcej pompek, kto ma lepsze czasy. Owszem, nie raz i nie dwa wrzucałem komuś swoje wyniki ale szczerze? nie robiłem tego dla siebie, a dla niego, bo wiedziałem, że na niego to działa. Na mnie nie.
Chcę się cieszyć wszystkim co w życiu robię, stawiam sobie wysoko poprzeczkę tylko w najważniejszych kwestiach w moim życiu a wybaczcie, bieganie czy robienie pompek na ilość nigdy najważniejsze nie będzie. Kiedyś mi ktoś zasugerował, że ktoś kto łapie się wielu rzeczy w żadnej nie będzie mistrzem.. ale mi właśnie o to chodzi, ja nie potrzebuje mistrzostwa, ja chcę zaznać tyle ile się da. Zobaczyć tyle ile się da. Spróbować i zrozumieć i poznać ile się da. Nie potrzebuję 1 miejsca, podium czy czegokolwiek takiego, żeby się tym cieszyć.
Co więcej, znam ludzi, których takie dążenia „muszę być pierwszy” niestety niszczyły. Człowiek to choć dobra to słaba istota. Presja otoczenia, presja wewnętrzna i nagle z pasji robi się ciężka praca która pochłania nas totalnie. Stajemy się więźniami własnej pasji. Zawsze chciałem tego unikać. Nie chcę się zatracać w tym co robię. Mam inne sprawy w życiu, które chciałbym postawić wyżej niż „pójść pobiegać” czy „zrobić siłę”. Biegam bo wiem, że dzięki temu będę miał kiedyś zdrowie i siłę by tymi innymi sprawami się zajmować, jest to moja inwestycja i czerpię z niej radość na tyle na ile potrafię. Znam jednak granice i dla swojego dobra się ich trzymam. Czasem jak mam ochotę to je przesuwam, ale zawsze, zawsze pamiętam o ich obecności.
Nie potrzebuję złota, dyplomów czy wieńców. Dopóki będę walczył, będę robił coś dla siebie, będę się starał każdego dnia być lepszym sobą… dopóki będę szedł do przodu by być tak bardzo przydatnym dla siebie i moich najbliższych jak tylko mogę.. dopóki będę miał w sobie siły i chęci, żeby dzielić się sobą, inspirować, zarażać swoimi głupimi durnymi nierzadko pomysłami innych a moje „działania” ruszą chociaż jedną osobę.. dopóty każdy brąz będzie moim złotem, każdy dzień, moim dniem, a ja, sam sobie wobec siebie, przeciwko sobie i obok siebie będę zwycięzcą. I tego też życzę Wam wszystkim.
70 komentarzy
Piękne to ostatnie zdanie 🙂
Dzięki 🙂
Wyznaję podobną filozofię. Jak coś robię to aby zrobić to dobrze i dla poczucia satysfakcji. Nie lubię wyścigu szczurów i w ogóle wyścigów w sensie jak być lepszym od kogoś. Więc nie ma powodów do dumy, po zwycięstwie nad słabszym, tym bardziej, że zawsze znajdzie się lepszy od tego najlepszego, bo we wszechświecie panuje rotacja.
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